just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
