Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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