What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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