He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He? As in you personified your dick?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
