what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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