let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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