We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
two words...techno handjob
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
