oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
