I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
