I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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