Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
