I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
