thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
