So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
