it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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