Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm like, not good at living.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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