I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
