Screwed.edu
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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