and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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