You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
