he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
