how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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