The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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