..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
