tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
