I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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