apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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