Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
