life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
