literally had 100 drinks last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
