I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
