They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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