Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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