she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
