i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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