im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
