Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
