omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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