did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
