I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
