you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
