About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
