it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
