You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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