the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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