just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
