so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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