She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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