I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
