i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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