who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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