you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
