sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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