am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
